chapter 1

He didn’t notice. He didn’t notice the puffiness in my eyes, he didn’t notice the reddish nose and cheeks, he didn’t notice her anymore. He didn’t even notice that she noticed he didn’t notice her any more.

Little did he know, she noticed every single move of his, she started distancing him, the wall she had such a hard time breaking down, and now he was the cause she was building it back again. he didn’t care, if she was sad, he was just a … well.. a boy.

This story is about Katie brown, a young adult. She had a normal happy childhood like any other kid of her age. She was cheerful and go lucky. She was the charm of the party, she was healthy dusky, with short black hair. Everything was fine till her family decided to move abroad. After 10 years in abroad, she seems lost, she was drastically skinny, her hair had grown out, she was beautiful brunette, yet something was changed. she wasn’t that cheerful girl anymore, she was more silent, especially after her recent drop out.

This was her last hope, to become something in life, which she had spoiled it with her boyfriend. They both dropped out, and surely their parents weren’t happy about it, they wanted to help her. but Katie had her walls built higher than they were before. She distanced herself from her parents, sister and even her boyfriend, whom she loved the most.

Katie’s self-esteem was falling down day by day as each day passed. she blamed herself for everything. Her mother, didn’t make it any easy on her, she always openly blamed her, made her lose the hope she had seen in herself when she let her parents get her back home. Katie still wanted to become something and  move out of the house as soon as possible.

She couldn’t take her mother’s harassing, even though her father didn’t blame her openly, she knew it was because of her, he lost his job. She couldn’t deal eating with them together, after all she had made them go through. She had crawled behind the high wall she built, and she wasn’t planning on breaking it anytime soon.

H texted her, but she couldn’t see the person she fell in love in the text, it just seems like a normal text.

All these emotions, kicked the sexual side from her body, she no longer felt the sexual tension, she used to have with him. She always felt like she was a sex object. was he actually treating her, like one? She tried explaining it to him, many times. But he was just very bad at timings, reading the situation, reading the expression, interpreting anything. he wasn’t good for her. He effected her mentally, emotionally and physically, and it wasn’t good at all. Her parents also disapproved him. She was stuck in this stupid love trance, she always thought it wouldn’t be like the basic couples but they were. They were the basic couple, who loved each other a lot, had the perfect chemistry but were bad at expressing and understanding each other. They fought a lot, a lot was a small word.

Harvey Saint was the love of Katie’s dream. He was everything she was looking for, he loved her like crazy, he always kept her first priority. He always had her back even when she didn’t want him. He didn’t know, she had fallen in love with him when he hit the guy who walked with her, because he spread rumours about her. He wasn’t all handsome looking, but that wasn’t what Katie wanted.

Everything was like a fairy tale, till they took the wrong step. the recovery was harder than said, they were away from each other. hadn’t spoken to each other properly for months now. The distance made so many changes in them, Katie and Harvey  loved each other so much, that they could give their lives for each other, which they had proved.  They both had their baggage, which was hard to get over for both of them, in spite all the forces against them, they loved each other more and more every day.

Her insecurities list was long as Mount Everest, thanks to her past. she saw his profile picture, and felt it in her guts, he was getting into smoking, or even worse drugs. she wasn’t sure, and that scared her. She knew it would totally screw his mind, because she had been there, done that. she was sacred he would do the same, and push her away from his life. He posted quotes, “don’t force anyone to love you, if they don’t take effort to love you, then leave them.” Is it possible? he was talking about her.

Its a mystery if it was meant for her, but after seeing all that, she felt all the fingers pointing at her. She was scared, he would repeat his break up with his ex-girlfriend with her too. She was scared about many things, but mainly about losing him. She was scared but she wasn’t going to show him. There was this thing about, his admission to college, he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, who he had dated for two years after meeting  Katie in college. He told Katie,  it was just a physical relationship. Katie was scared about Harvey meeting a new girl, and then dumping her. Her heart said, he wouldn’t, because he loved her. But her insecurities were getting out of hand. They made Katie doubt every move Harvey made, and it killed her inside.

She couldn’t bear doubting him so much because of her insecurities. she never told him, because she thought he would be hurt. And sometimes it made her feel guilty because she knew he deserved the truth.

 

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